Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Ban High Capacity Pressure Cookers!

It seems as if we have slipped. Slipped very, very far. Williams-Sonoma, maker of fine kitchen products has voluntarily pulled their Pressure Cookers off the shelves of at least one state. (Still available on their web site though????)

I think what happened in Boston at the Marathon was tragic, and swift action was taken, and now justice should be meted out. But there are some things that should never happen, and knee jerk reactions to a crisis can bring about serious problems. I now, tongue-firmly-planted-in-cheek describe such:

With the ban on High Capacity Pressure Cookers, we are now moving toward a "Concealed Cooking Permit" that will further end the carnage. If they put a pressure relief valve on the cooker, that only allows, say, a pound or two of pressure, that would reduce the risk of terrorist activities. It would also forever reduce the possibility of having those fabulous pickles my wife makes each year from our victory garden.

I think there is some prejudice going on here though against the perennial pressure cooker, that dates back to my grandma's time. Nails were also used along with the pressure cooker. A moratorium on nails would be a good start as well.

Oh, and backpacks. Backpacks have always been the scourge of freedom loving Americans! Imagine this scene without would be absolute freedom:
This is a SCARY picture. 

But I don't know if all this will work. The FBI stated that over 700  murders were committed last year with hammers. Since Nails will be abolished, who needs a hammer anyway? Besides, they could be used to "remove" nails from structures and then the nails would be used in a nefarious way. 

All this aside, one must remember, cell phones were used to detonate the cookers. You see where this is going? Which one of these people below is trying to detonate a cooker? 
This is trouble waiting to happen. 

I believe after registering my Pressure Cooker with the Federal Government, obtaining a Class C registration, and my conceal and carry cooking permit, I should be able to safely can some beans. But before I even go there, I have a website that will allow you to purchase a child safety lock for the cooker when not in use. It will prevent any unauthorized use of the cooker by anyone other than a register user. In the mean time, if you are traveling with your pressure cooker, just put the lid in the trunk, away from the body of the cooker itself. And store it in your home likewise. Lock each one up separately. 

I took my cooker down to the Canning Range last week to try it out. There were some really cool looking pressure cookers there. Some looked military grade though, and I don't know how they modified them. Kind of suspicious if you ask me. I took a quick picture of it with my High Capacity Cell phone:
Dangerous Military Grade Cooker

Well, I hope this has helped you better prepare your kitchen for what is coming our way. Just a bit of humor to lighten up a ridiculous post from Williams-Sonoma, who buckled under liberal pressure. 


Joshua James said...

Glad to see you posting again, this was really good!

Lydia said...

Love it!!!